Tag: theoffice

Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! And only about one week left of August, how is everyone trying to get as much summer activities in before autumn hits us? I know we are hoping to get a bonfire in our firepit this weekend, the last one while at this house because we are closing and moving into our new house in just one week on the 30th! Moving is always a bittersweet moment because while you are transitioning into a new home that is better, it is hard leaving your first house where you have so many memories. Truly the most important ones to me are the fact that we got all three of dogs while here so this was really the house that we created our family. But I feel this next house will be even better for them, but will certainly be a transition. Even though we have plenty to do, we have designated this particular weekend to partake in as much of the 2024 Teeb Con as we possibly can do! You can still get your tickets at https://mnswca.org/teeb-con-2024 and a reminder, they do have costume contests for those looking to dress up! I will not be dressing up this year, we had to focus a lot of attention on the house situation, but I am already making plans to cosplay next year so I am already excited for 2025! Besides partaking in the events, you can also catch my husband and I as moderators for a panel on Sunday. You can catch it at 11:30, A Pirate’s Tale with the incredible Martin Klebba. Wish me luck that I can keep my inner fanboy in check and remain composed during the panel because this is such an amazing opportunity. Get your tickets at the above website, and look for schedules to see all of the events, including at their Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/events/323573326883369/?active_tab=discussion. Hope to see you there!

With those updates, let us see what happened at the office this week!

Our biggest news is that Andy Bernard is officially back at the office! You’ll remember that he has been away for the last five weeks at anger management, after he snapped and punched a wall. Supposedly he has learned a whole series of tactics to keep his cool and is much better at managing his anger now. Besides a new outlook on life, he has a new name and is now going by “Drew.” Certainly seems like an easy request, but Jim decided he was “too cool for school” and simply refused to call him this. Now I am not going to make this into a comparison to someone choosing to go by a preferred name since I know Jim is only doing this to push Drew’s buttons. But I’m still calling him out, Jim you need to reign in your Jim-schtick. Drew wants to go by a new name, perhaps this is even part of his therapy, so when someone asks you to call them by a specific name, just do it. I know this year I actually have been better to correct people who attempt to call me Nate (which I do not like) and to clarify that my name is Nathan. I truly do not know how people you barely know (or especially when that is your first time talking to them) have the audacity to give you a nickname but there are people who do. Unless someone specifically tells you their nickname or they sign their email with it, simply call them by their full name until they say otherwise. It really isn’t hard; and vent over. Get over yourself Jim!

In contrast, Dwight is simply choosing to not acknowledge him at all and has chosen to shun Drew for three years after having originally gotten him to quit. Evidently it’s common in the Amish community as a means of punishment. Naturally, Jim using this instance to mess with Dwight by speaking on his behalf to try to get him to admit he knows no actual facts on bear attacks. Factoid per Dwight, bears can actually climb faster than they can run. I did try to factcheck this but couldn’t confirm this, but bears can climb with alarmingly fast speed so it very well could be true depending on the circumstances. Of course, if you are interested in more facts about bears perhaps consider this book. My personal reference books tend to lien towards dinosaurs, mythology, and cooking but the point is I do a good book on facts.

Today’s big event is safety training, going over both the warehouse as well as the office upstairs. Darryl explained that the training is required to be conducted either once a year, or after a major accident occurs which hurts someone. Spoiler alert, we have never actually made it a full year. This particular instance was prompted when a certain branch manager pushed the ladder Darryl was standing on and shouted “Hey Darryl, how’s it hanging?” The joke is funny because Darryl would then grab on to a shelf in reflex and be hanging from it. While that might work in cartoons, most people tend to fall with the ladder an end up hurting themselves and thus we have this training. Turns out the warehouse is a pretty scary place since they have tools like a forklift and baler which cannot be used by anyone who hasn’t gone through the necessary training, so this means that even if someone from the office asks (Michael) they cannot use them. In fact, Darryl mentioned how every year around ten people lose an arm in balers. Again, I attempted to factcheck this number but couldn’t find a definitive estimation of people who lose arms or even who are in accidents each year. I did read about plenty of accidents over the years so it is still true that there are quite a few people who have been injured and have lost limbs or even died due to accidents with them. Their goal is to compact durable materials, so you should absolutely know that it can injure you very easily.

From there we went upstairs where Toby conducted the office safety training where it goes, about as you would expect. Offices are notoriously less dangerous that a warehouse setting with fewer risks. Our biggest risks are the fact that we can develop carpal tunnel syndrome, develop blood clots from sitting too long, and can strain our eyes from staring at computer too long. Our biggest recommendation is to get up every hour or so to get up and stretch for ten minutes. We are also more prone to seasonal affective disorder, aka SAD, which can mimic many symptoms often associated depression. Such symptoms include being tired more often, less interested in your usual hobbies, anxiety or being grumpy, and even a decreased sex drive. This is called seasonal because it most often occurs in the autumn and winter with a primary factor being the decreased sun and Vitamin D. A few years ago my leader got our department these special lamps which help mimic the sun and can be used to counteract these symptoms so I would certainly recommend one if you are prone to SAD and get very little sunlight. In general, office workers are most at risk for leading sedentary lifestyles, not sedimentary as Michael first quoted. The warehouse referred to this as “fat butt disease” and that we all live a pretty “NERFy” lifestyle and that Michael needs to stop comparing the two. And he is true, office workers will have their own stresses that most often have to do with direct relationships with clients and customers, but in terms of general safety concerns we have far fewer. I was okay with that, Michael was not.

With this new motivation, Michael and Dwight disappeared to formulate a new training plan for their safety. We were called out later to the parking lot because Michael had something to show us, and it turns out it is to reveal that he has depression. Michael was on the roof threatening to jump because his office job has gotten to him and he is prepared to commit suicide. It is pretty obvious this was a ruse because they started to talk about facts about depression; which is a real condition and is by no means simply being “bummed out.” And according to a 2004 study, Michael claims that 32,000 people a year commit suicide. I found an article with the National Institute of Mental Health which cited a study from the Centers for Disease Control which states that in 2021 there were 48,1000 deaths related to suicide¹. Unfortunately, this shows that suicide continues to worsen each year. There are many reasons which might drive someone to suicide so there is no general fix, but the biggest one is to seek help. Please know that if you are in a crisis, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988. If you do ever have suicidal thoughts, do not brush it off as a joke and reach out to speak to someone and get the help that you need. As I mentioned, many individuals struggle with depression every year and too often mental illness is still seen as taboo to speak about. It is not, so you do not have to go at it alone.

That was my version of speaking of depression, Michael’s masterplan is to create a fake suicide by jumping off the roof onto a bouncy castle situation nearby. Just to clarify, this is a bad idea and is not a great training method so do not do this. Jim and Pam also agreed and quickly did everything they could to convince Michael not to jump since he would simply kill himself, pretending to kill himself. Jim couldn’t convince him, Pam tried to bribe him with a fake gift which Dwight didn’t contribute to, but thankfully we had Darryl. Michael has this odd fascination with getting Darryl’s advice and approval, and this time it truly saved his life as he was able to convince him how bad of an idea this way. Ultimately, Michael is able to come on down and we can finally put an end to our safety training. It really should have lasted only an hour or so, but this is Dunder Mifflin and we like to give it out full attention.

And that was our office safety training! Obviously we learned how important it is to acknowledge when we might need assistance when we are feeling depressed. And we learned Jim is a bit of a jerk and should have simply called Drew by his preferred name, so please don’t be a Jim. But for my fellow office workers, what do you do to combat the dangers our work poses us? The lights I mentioned are amazing at creating a false sunlight for those winter months that we might not see the sun. I do try to get up and stretch every hour or so (usually on my way to the kitchen) since it is great to get away from the computer. I had a couple of colleagues who would take a walk on each of their breaks which is even more beneficial than some simple stretches. Feel free to share your tips with us! Comment below and lets help one another out.

Wishing you all a Happy Friday and a great weekend, and for those in the area I hope to see you this weekend at Teeb Con! And as always, I’ll see you around the Breakroom.

1. (n.d.). Suicide. National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved August 22, 2024, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide ↩︎

Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! What a week this has been, I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful I am for this weekend to be upon us. Packing is slowly taking over the house, I consistently seem to feel both too warm and too cold at the same time, and I cannot tell you how many problems people seem to have this week because they just simply do not pay attention to what they are supposed to do. Quick little hot tip for everyone, for those of you who like to get paid on payday, you not only need to remember to clock in but you also need to review and sign off on your timecard. Just some friendly advice from me to you! Besides that, I want to remind you all we are only one week away from Teeb Con so if you have not gotten your tickets yet, head on over via this link https://mnswca.org/teeb-con-2024 and get yours today, and I will see you there!

On to what happened in the office this week and we certainly have some major developments. It had all started earlier this week when we were all heading out for the day, I remember listening to Karen and Jim talk about was they were doing throughout the week and Karen accused Jim of being agoraphobic because he’d rather stay home watching a sports game then going out for a proper date. I’m sorry Karen, but some of us enjoy a little agoraphobia and avoiding all of the people out there, especially since there are plenty of people who shouldn’t be allowed to leave this house. Suddenly, Roy storms in to the office with this crazed look in eyes like he was out to blood and simply shouted “Halpert!” Well, he starts going right for Jim at this point but it is Dwight who jumped into the fray and whipped out his pepper spray to fend off Roy and knocking him to the ground. I cannot confirm exactly what Roy was going to do Jim, but considering how upset he was over discovering the two of them had kissed I can only imagine it was going to be bad. We have teased Dwight about bringing in his pepper spray all these years but they finally paid off. Is anyone else as safety conscious as Dwight is? We do not have all of the same tools like he does, such as nun chucks or even this throwing stars but we do have a small sword collection so we have authentic swords that can be used, all courtesy of Swords of Northshire. Besides having custom swords they do create replicas from media, including Sokka’s meteor sword from Avatar the Last Airbender. So considering what Dwight could have used in defense, Roy should consider himself lucky that all that happened was that he got pepper sprayed. And fired, I suppose, I do need to mention that this incident resulted in him being let go.

This brings us to the fallout of this entire incident in which now that the warehouse is short one person, Darryl has been working harder to make up for this and he believes he is due for a raise to compensate. But Michael is not worried about this, he knows Darryl is just trying to use this whole thing as leverage. In response, Michael is coming at him with his own tactics of negotiation, courtesy of Wikipedia. So, what are these amazing tactics? First, you should lean back and whisper when you speak because this allows you to take a commanding posture and control the conversation. Second, walking out unexpectantly in a surprise control of force. Third, change the location of the meeting at the last moment; you throw them off guard and let you control the setting. And finally, choosing to decline first; essentially the first person to speak lays it all out there so the second person can respond and therefore control the conversation.

So I went out looking for some recommendations for people out there who need to prepare for their own negotiations. I personally do not get into such scenarios very often, so I was excited to get some new tips. I started with Wikipedia and found an entire page of tactics, but I will only mention a few of my favorites. One is called the Highball/Lowball, and I feel this is one of the most common tactics in the realm of negotiation. The theory is, you make an offer either extremely high or extremely low in hopes that you can ultimately negotiate into the realist number you were hoping for. For example, if you were trying haggle at a flea market you would offer incredibly low in hopes that they will come down a lot lower than if you had tried to come down only a small amount. Another tactic is one we have learned from Andy Bernard, Mirroring; this is where one tries to subconsciously create trust with the other person by mirroring certain actions, mannerisms, and phrases that they use. I know this sounds silly but I think we have all had instances where we found ourselves starting to put trust in someone as the result of us “being so similar” or even some light flattery. Don’t underestimate the ability that people want to innately connect with someone they see as just like themselves. Finally, there is what is called the Flinch; this means is that when someone makes an offer to you that you do not like, you do a physical flinch. Evidently people are more likely to be willing to negotiate their offer if they can see a negative reaction¹. For those interested in some interesting, and named, tactics you cannot go wrong with Wikipedia. As Michael Scott explains, Wikipedia is great because anyone is able to go in and update the information so you know it is always up-to-date.

For my next source, I went right to the Harvard Business school for some of the skills needed in negotiation that are important to cultivate. Their six skills are:

1. Communication: Besides being able to speak clearly, this allows you to set specific goals and limits that are expecting when you walk away from the negotiations.
2. Emotional Intelligence: Business isn’t always emotion-free and it is important to be able to understand your own emotions to keep them in check, but it is just as important to be able to read those of other people.
3. Planning: You should never go in with some sort of plan of attack. You should have a game plan, as well as various options prepared for the different routes these conversations can go.
4. Value creation: It is important to have a clear idea of all the values attached to the topics at hand. Too often people are focused on getting as much as possible that they are only setting themselves up to be disappointed, often because they do not have a clear idea of their personal value.
5. Strategy: Similar to planning, you should be able to explain your decisions and support them. It is great that you want a raise and believe this is because you work hard, but can you support this based on what others in your field are paid at your level? Be prepared to have concrete evidence to support yourself.
6. Reflection: Look back at past negotiations and be able to learn from them. Be able to understand what you have done right, as well as what you have done wrong².

So what can I personally give you as the key details you need to prepare yourself for a negotiation? Information is key, you cannot simply go in with “I believe I have earned this” because large companies have evidence to support their decisions. Using asking for a raise as an example, you would want to have salary information for your particular position and years of experience for your location to support that you deserve to have an increase. You can find this information from a variety of sources including job postings and job boards or from websites like GlassDoor. Additionally, for larger companies you should be prepared that it is not as simple as your leader simply saying “yes” to you asking for a raise. These decisions often have to go through various chains of command which could include HR Business Partners, Labor or Employee Relations, not to mention Compensation. This leads into my second tip, you have got to remain cool. In most cases, once you start to lose your composure or bring too much emotion into the situation you overplay your hand and will lose leverage. Finally, if we are talking about a raise perhaps one of the strongest tools you can have is the ability to walk away. If you can find a similar job that you can apply for, or even have a job offer in your pocket, this really does set the board where they can either give you a raise or let you walk away. Keep in mind, this tactic is not for everyone. You risk leaving a sour taste with your leader and company that you are giving them this option, or they might call your bluff and then you have to decide if you are truly willing to up and leave.

Michael and Darryl’s negotiation goes about as well as one might expect anything of Michael’s to go and that is off the ropes. He had everything in control for awhile, but then Darryl noticed that Michael was wearing a woman’s suit (not for the first time) and he lost his composure as the entire office joins in laughing at him. It is funny how Michael accidentally let this happen, his first clue should have been the lack of pockets. It is ridiculous, by the way, that most women’s clothing has little to no pockets. I love my pockets in clothes and seriously struggle when I have small pockets in my clothes. In retrospect, we really should stop assigning gender to clothes and let people wear what they want. Maybe adding some gender neutral to clothes will make things like pockets a bit more equal. Michael tries to regroup and is simply honest that there just isn’t money in the budget, and it comes out that evidently Michael is incredibly underpaid considering his tenure with the company and title. Darryl sees this as why he cannot get a larger increase, and talks Michael into negotiation for his own raise increase. Cut to Darryl, Michael, and Toby road tripping to New York so Michael could meet with Jan to discuss his own increase. Now, Toby didn’t get into too many details when he talked about it but evidently Michael had a mild meltdown and actually tried to threaten Jan that he would withhold sex if she did not give him a huge raise. Toby said something about needing to retain notes in the event of a deposition; when talking about Michael Scott and Jan, that is probably a safe bet.

And that, everyone, was the highlights at the office this week! Our big topic of the week was certainly the art of negotiating. Between Michael Scott, Wikipedia, Harvard, and myself we have provided a nice series of tips and tactics for those of you to use in preparation of a negotiation. But what about yourself? If any of you have your own negotiation tips from your past experience, feel free to let us know in the comments!

I hope you all have a great weekend, and until next time I’ll see you around the Breakroom!

1. Negotiation. (2024, July 1). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negotiation#Tactics ↩︎
2. Miller, K. (2023, May 11). 6 Negotiation Skills All Professionals Can Benefit From. Harvard Business School. Retrieved August 15, 2024, from https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/negotiation-skills ↩︎

Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom. I hope you have all had a great week, all-in-all I’d say mine has been pretty stellar. We are proceeding with our new house so we will be closing on that one at the end of the month! Just means working hard to ensure we are ready to move right into that one and then turn around get our current house on the market as soon as humanly possible! Besides that, work has actually been pretty quiet without much incident. Some pretty long meetings but nothing too crazy, and even phones have been quiet so a good week! So since work has been so chill, we will be focusing our Breakdown on happenings outside of the office, so let us jump right in.

There was one fun moment at work and that was when Michael decided to entertain us all with him showing off his talents as a magician. Turns out he loves studying magic (having attended numerous camps over the summer, normally for children) and he was all to eager to show us his latest trick. Not one to go for something easy, he wanted to show us how he could get himself out of a straightjacket and chains! He started off confident, giving us a great show as he moved around to show that he was entirely locked in. Then I saw him accidentally spit out a key; Jim also noticed this and quickly hid it under his shoe and that was sort of the end of the act. Michael tried to look for the key but it was obvious that was his only source of escape, and he just went into his office and never came back out. My personal tip, if you are going to do a magic trick for your office you should perhaps stick to something that if you mess up on it, it doesn’t leave you tied up.

No on to the big events for the office, the key one being that our CFO, David Wallace, is hosting a cocktail party at his home for various management employees. Jan and Michael are invited (although Michael also invited Dwight) and then Jim and Karen were invited as well so they are preparing to attend that. Although I wasn’t there, I did hear all about what happened. This started with Michael and Dwight going incredibly early, hours before the party even started. Michael’s theory is that only best friends arrive to a party that early, so since he arrived that early this makes them best friends. He also brought along potato salad because he is a firm believer that you should never arrive to a party emptyhanded. Although, evidently his potato salad had been sitting out in his car all day so he felt it was going to be questionable so he pry should have just skipped it. Jan ultimately showed up later and the big news was she and Michael filled out relationship disclosures for the company. These can be seen at times, essentially they are disclosing that a leader and their employee are in a relationship so the company is aware and to help limit the risk of a lawsuit. So how fun was the party in the end? Well, Michael and Jan were getting on each other’s nerves all night long and ultimately left no happier than they arrived. Karen decided to pull one of her pranks on Jim making her think she slept with every guy at the party. He was certainly caught off guard, although he got to play some basketball with David Wallace so that was some pretty major points for him. And Dwight ended up going around the entire house to check the ins out and outs of the structure. So to answer that question, it sounds about as fun as any other cocktail party.

So what exactly is a cocktail party? Simply put, it is a party where the main focus is that cocktails and drinks are offered where the guests can socialize but typically there is no other main focus of the event. There may often be food but it will confined to appetizers and similar snacks, but no actual sit down meal. These are often related to work events (and might be called “mixers”) as they are meant to be a great chance to network and get to know other employees within your company. But they can certainly be a means of entertainment as well, perhaps to get your friends over without having to arrange a big meal or event such as games. So what do you need to know before hosting your own cocktail party? Obviously the drinks are a key ingredient, although mocktail events are certainly a thing as well. If you’re really looking to impress people but don’t want to have a general open bar, you could come up with a couple signature cocktails. There are a thousand recipes books out there including The Art of Mixology or The Cocktail Codex so there is more than enough books out there to use as inspiration. You could even do a theme night and peruse something like the Downton Abbey Cocktail Guide. I have meaning to do a theme night centered around Clue, although that really falls more under a murder mystery night where I’d also want a themed dinner so it’s a bit more than just a cocktail party. My biggest recommendation is to focus on some sort of theme (I am a very theme-oriented person) and to ensure a proper appetizer that pairs well with the theme and cocktail. For instance if you are doing a brunch-timed out party then mimosas and bloody Mary’s go great with some egg bites or perhaps miniature French toasts. But some of the best advice would come from the German author, Walter Leonhardt whose primary rules to a good cocktail party included:

1. It should not last long, an hour and a half maximum, the time one can stand up, even if there are chairs for weaker constitutions.
2. Guests should enter and leave freely, avoiding elaborate greetings on arrival and departure.
3. Conversation must avoid passionate subjects (personal, political or religious topics) to keep a harmonious and cheerful ambiance.¹

Why are these rules so important. First, cocktail parties normally do not have a ton of sitting so you want to keep the event just long enough where people do not start to get uncomfortable. However, it is also so they do not get so comfortable that they overstay their welcome which is key for my fell Boo Radley’s out there. Second, my fellow Midwesterners know all too well that greeting someone at the door or (especially) saying goodbye to them can easily fill up a good half hour. We are too famous for out Minnesota Goodbyes, so instead these parties should focus on a gracious French Exit. Finally, topics should be kept as fun and light because otherwise we risk getting so emotionally invested that we might spoil the party for someone. These are not meant to be debates or a salon, but a simple cocktail party, where light and frothy are the typical moods you are going for. Has anyone hosted a recent such party? Tell us all about it int he comments, especially if you happened to have any sort of theme or perhaps settled on a signature drink? Now, for those who are not very good at coming up fun drinks or perhaps worry about investing in a bunch of supplies only to be used once, not to worry because they also sell mixers where you just the alcohol. Craftmix, for instance, just needs the liquor, water and ice to put together and you can simply omit the alcohol if you want to make them mocktails. Cocktail parties no longer need to have alcohol and I have been (and hosted) plenty of events where stayed away for the drink. The key benefit is I usually have more money and time to put into my food, and I think most people will agree that is where I really shine.

You will remember that I was not actually invited to the cocktail party and instead was with the rest of the office (having simply heard about all that happened from people who were there). We decided to do a more casual event and all went out to Poor Richards for happy hour after work. This is not a big thing we do as an office, but with Michael gone it seemed like the perfect time to coordinate hanging out together. It was a pretty relaxing night, getting to talk outside of work, plus it is always fun to see what sort of drinks people like to get. We have the generic beer or wine drinkers, then there are those go right for liquor straight, and of course we have the cocktail drinkers. I do love my cocktails, personally, and will typically do a vodka cranberry, although I remember the most amazing mojitos in Paris that could certainly go for again. Then many of us got together to play Up Jenkins, Down Jenkins (aka. Up Chickens, Down Chickens). The game is pretty straightforward, as explained by Wikipedia:

“The captain of one team takes a coin and passes it under the table to the second person of the team. The players on that team pass the coin under the table back and forth from one player to another. The object of the game is to do it so carefully that the opposing team cannot guess which player has the coin.

Once this selection is made, the opposing team’s captain yells “Up Jenkins” at which point all players on the team with the coin place their elbows on the table with their hands, closed in a fist, pointing straight toward the ceiling. The opposing team’s captain then yells “Down Jenkins” , at which point the “coin” team slams their palms face-down on the table. The goal of this stage of the game is to conceal the “clink” of the coin on the table to confuse the other team as to where the coin is.

In the guessing phase of the game, the non-coin team selects palms, one by one, in an attempt to isolate the coin as the “last palm standing.” Where the games is played in conjunction with alcohol, successful isolation results in the coin team drinking. Failure to do so results in the non-coin team drinking. The quantity of alcohol consumed per round is a matter of house rules or local variation.²“

I thought the night was going pretty well, but of course someone had to throw a wrench into the whole thing. So Pam and Roy had been doing pretty well lately as they worked to rebuild their relationship after calling off the wedding last year. Turns out, Pam called off because she and Jim kissed at Casino Night last year and she decided this was the time and place to tell Roy about it. Well, Roy and his brother (Kenny) start wrecking the bar so I think we know how well Pam is at reading the situation. Those of us still around got out pretty dang fast after that; I suppose glass flying in the air beats a lot of our other teambuilding days at the office.

And that was today’s Breakdown! I hope I was able to give you some advice into arranging your next cocktail party, I’m starting to think I need to designate an entire segment just to the Party Planning Committee where I can help you plan your parties. And I provided some shocking news about Jim and Pam, I wonder what Roy is going to do about this? Guess we will have to wait until next week to find out! Until then, please remember that Teeb Con is coming up in a few weeks, and if you haven’t gotten your tickets please head on over to https://mnswca.org/teeb-con-2024 where you can also review and sign up for any of the number of tournaments going on, including Magic the Gathering. Plus, special guests including Leilani Shiu known for her work with the Star Wars universe and Martin Klebba from Pirates of the Caribbean. Besides seeing you at Teeb Con, I can’t wait to see you all again next week right here at the Breakroom.

1. Leonhardt, R. Walter (1963). “44”. Las 77 Inglaterras [The 77 Englands] (in Spanish). Translated by Aguilera, Joaquín. Madrid: Ediciones Cid. p. 170. Depósito legal M. 16.467 -1963. ↩︎
2. Up Jenkins. (2024, March 31). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_Jenkins#:~:text=5%20References-,Gameplay,which%20player%20has%20the%20coin. ↩︎

Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! This has really been a whirlwind week; we officially have a logo courtesy of the incomparable Amy Ugstad with OneUP Creative (https://oneupcreative.net/) as well as Breakroom Breakdown is officially a sponsor of the 2024 Teeb Con (https://mnswca.org/teeb-con-2024) which I cannot tell you how excited I am to not only get to support this event, but partake in the festivities. In our careers, we will routinely come across both ups and downs. For every moment where we get a kudos at work or get that coveted promotion, there are those times we might feel stuck in a job with no advancement or perhaps surrounded by colleagues that do nothing but urge us to slam our heads into a wall. It is so important to try to see each of these as an opportunity for growth and a challenge to overcome. I know this is easier said than done as there are times I feel like a failure for not being where I saw myself 5 years ago. Even worse is when you try to figure out where you would like to see yourself in 5 years, and you honestly don’t know. We put so much pressure on ourselves to see our jobs as our identity, and while some people live for that sense of who they are, some of us see ourselves as just having a job and that it doesn’t define who we are. But which one is the right point of view? Or, is there really no right or wrong answer and rather it comes down to the individual?

For when you feel you are the only one going through those feelings, let us not forget that Dwight Schrute recently left Dunder Mifflin. His plan was to stay with the company forever and he cannot be more upset that he had to leave. But did he just give up because life was too hard? No, he kept on going and he has gone to interview after interview. If you have ever never seen Dwight perform a job interview, I can assure you that he is the epidemy of moxie. First of all, he has three full resumes that he brings with him; and they are not simple one page documents but multiple pages in presentation folders just like these. I will admit, I am big fan of a good presentation (and a good folder or binder) but crafting one for a resume when you do not have some sort of portfolio is a bit much. Plus he does these for each resume, these are: professional, athletic and special skills, and Dwight Schrute trivia. I am not a recruiter, but I have been a hiring leader previously, and I will say that this is all excessive. I would love to do a story designated just to resumes, but my personal resume is very basic in comparison. I have mine condensed down to one page, which I have always been told it should be two pages at most but if you are going into the next page you should make sure the information is worth it. My font is the very basic Times New Roman size 12 that we were taught to use in school (one of the few things that has carried with me). As for my information I have tried to keep it has informational as I can, although I suppose I could take the time to rewrite pieces of it. Some of the key aspects you want to do besides just your past jobs and education is to focus on special skills. If you have experience with specific computer programs (whether it be Workday or even Microsoft Excel, list it) and also try to lean into your soft skills. If this job might require a high degree of customer service or perhaps educating others, trying to include key words highlighting how you have done these things. One tip I was given before is if there is a job you are applying for that you really want to shine, review the job description for what you might consider some important keywords crucial to the position. Some of the algorithms (depending on the company) will try to scan those specific words and highlight you as an exceptional candidate, so it’s good to try to figure out those words so you can include them in your resume. You might be wondering, is it ever okay to go above and beyond as Dwight is with his resumes? I would argue that on average, no it is not, but that is not to say that every so often there is a Michael Scott out there who would actually be impressed. Due to the likelihood of this happening, I would still say refrain from providing three resumes. Perhaps the only thing better than that is when Dwight is asked to describe himself, and he is able to sum it up in three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable. Well, this is more than three words so if you promise a set number of words you should adhere to it. And while it is good to try to stand out and come up with a word less generic than “hardworking” I am not sure how well “alpha male” or “insatiable” comes off. I do like jackhammer, though, depending on how he would expand upon that. Question for you, how would you describe yourself in three words as part of a job interview? I think I would go with: supportive, informative, strategic. Feel free to include your own in the comments below!

When everything is said and done with, Dwight is able to land on his feet with a new job at Staples. That’s right, he has decided to go to join forces with one of our major competitors in the area. I saw him there, as I do love a good office supply store, and I feel like his talents are being wasted there. Most people are not looking for the type of hands on assistance that Dwight can offer when they go to a brick and mortar like Staples. But he is still doing well and is on the fast track to becoming a leader at that branch.

Back at Dunder Mifflin, we have a bit of office changes going on. On the brightside, Oscar has returned from his time off. In case you forgot, the company gave him a paid vacation (and company vehicle) in exchange for him agreeing not to sue after the incident with Michael outing him to the office and then kissing him. Michael is so excited he decided that we are going to throw a Welcome Back party for him; a party that is currently still being planned so I think Michael only just thought of this. Everyone was excited to see him return, and even Angela took the time to try to make amends to how they left things and invited him to join the Party Planning Committee. Nothing says “I’m sorry” then asking you to plan your own Welcome Back party. Thankfully, Michael has grown in the past weeks and does not see Oscar’s homosexuality as his personality. His Mexican heritage is what should define him, so he gets to have a Mexican theme party. What does this include? Various decorations, frozen chimichangas, pinatas, and some “traditional” music playing. In the party actually comes together pretty well, to which Oscar likens it to The Three Amigos with Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, and Martin Short. Not entirely sure if Oscar meant this as a compliment, but Michael took it as a true honor.

While this is all going on today, Andy Bernard has done his best to fill the vacuum left by Dwight’s exit as Michael’s closest confidant. It is pretty apparent that Michael has begun to catch on to Andy’s true motives. He can be very annoying, hard to tell if he says anything sincere, and is a perpetual “yes man” trying to win Michael over at all costs. Now, Andy really could have done this successfully but he just came on much too strong and was actually pretty sloppy about it. He isn’t the only to get sick of him, I caught Jim and Pam pulling one of their classic pranks on Andy (finally, they are using their powers for good). They actually stole Andy’s phone (how could you not notice your phone was gone?) and hid it in the ceiling tile and proceeded to call it continuously so Andy spent all day trying to find where it ended up at in the office. You could argue they took it a bit too far because Andy gets fed up, especially when Michael tells him he needs to leave him alone too, and actually punches his fist through a wall. This should be a reality check to anyone out there, if you can get so wrapped up with your job that you consider doing this, then you need to take stock in perhaps that job is not right for you. In this case, I think it might have more to do with Andy’s personality and anger issues but I will still say this job is not meant for him.

Right after this happens (our party quickly started up again) Michael actually disappeared, running out of the office with a sense of urgency after Angela in accounting had pulled him aside. He ultimately shows back up with Dwight, announcing to us all that he has returned back to Dunder Mifflin. Turns out, his whole reason for going to corporate was he had driven to New York to turn in the quarterly tax forms for Angela but he didn’t want to give the wrong impression for why he did it. I mean, if there was anyone in the office willing to go above and beyond for the company, it would be Dwight. Even if he didn’t like you as a person, he would still help you out if it was for the betterment of the job. With all said and done, Dwight Schrute has officially returned to the office! Certainly a good thing given that people were having issues trying to get into his client list. He coded all his files with a different mythological creature and not everyone has an extensive list of myths and lore as some of us do. For those of you in need of tutorial, you might want to consider this book. Better yet, you can consider Dungeons and Dragons which could include the set of the three core books or even this starter set to dip your toe in before committing. But for those really interested but don’t have anyone to play with, most local game shops might have intro nights where they can help get you started. I know that the 2024 Teeb Con will have some campaigns going on if that is your interest!

But otherwise, that is what happened today at the office. We got interesting ideas on how to approach finding a job, but Dwight has formally returned to Dunder Mifflin. Besides trying to polish up your resume and how to describe yourself in an interview, I do hope everyone will take the time to remember that when life is just not working out the way they want, that really is the case for all of us. Sometimes there is something you can do, sometimes it truly is trying to get through it until things work out on their own. Please let me, and all of your fellow readers, know what you do to stay positive during these times. And as always, I look forward to seeing you again around the Breakroom.

Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! Another Independence Day is behind us, a time to eat red, white, and blue foods, shoot off illegal fireworks, and think back to all of freedoms and rights that we have seen slowly ripped away from us. That is right, I am not feeling all too patriotic this year but that is my right as an American. That I can call out and say this country needs to do better, starting with bringing back my Roe v. Wade that I (like so many others) look back and miss every single day. So this year, perhaps instead take the time to acknowledge that our country has been falling behind the rest of the world for many years and we need to catch back up to them. That being sad, you can certainly do so with a shortcake cupcake with strawberries and whipped cream like I did. As I proceed to get off my soapbox having gotten that off my chest (it needed to be said, sorry/not sorry) perhaps I better get to breaking down what has happened around the office. Being a holiday week and now back for Friday, I think perhaps all of our emotions are just a bit off today. That being said, if you have any sort of neighbors next your house the you should not be launching off fireworks. Some of us with dogs, actually hate fireworks and spend the entire day trying to comfort our dogs stressing out. Move out to the country where you can do whatever you want without impeding on other people. Second soapbox over, on to the office!

To start, Michael actually decided to pull off a joke on our usual suspects for a change, that being Jim and Pam. He found a program that allows him to type in words that his computer then repeats audibly, so he decorated him with eyes and a mouth and introduces himself as Harvey. It was going pretty well with Harvey being crude to Pam and Jim, until Michael began to misspell his words which resulted in the speech being incorrect as well. That is unfortunately the big problem with doing a prank like this; for the record, a very quick Google search tells me that the average error rate in typing should be around 92%, that equates to 8 errors out of every 100 words. It has been a long time since I’ve tested myself but I would put myself in that area, although I do feel motivated to try to test myself and see where I exist. As you can expect, Jim and Pam turn the tables on Michael and his joke and he quickly kicks everyone out because they “ruined everything.”

The morning was otherwise okay, aside from the fact that Dwight was incredibly late to work. So much so that it was sort of obvious Andy was trying to call attention to it in order to get Dwight in trouble with Michael. Fortunately he did show up before it was too late, especially because of a new sales plan that they were trying today. Instead of focusing sales solo, today each salesman is teaming up with another one and heading out on a joint sales call. Michael was proud of this plan and likened it to the Amazing Race show on television, where teams get together and race around the world. Now I agree that this has a feel about the show because they are in teams off to complete a sale, but I am surprised at the missed opportunity in which Michael chose not to make it a competition. While promoting competition in the workplace can sometimes go wrong, when done right it is a great motivational tool to encourage employees to work harder. While most of the employees will vie for the simple fact they want to win the prize, there are some of us who are naturally a bit competitive and revel in the fact we do better than other people. These teams that got chosen, along with their Amazing Race title, would be:

Michael and Andy: Firefighter heroes
Phyllis and Karen: Mother and daughter
Stanley and Ryan: Retired marines
Jim and Dwight: Gay couple

From here they head out and commence to compete on their sales! Phyllis and Karen were able to complete their sale, Phyllis had some inside knowledge on the client and she arranged for them to get makeovers to they look like his wife (smart!). Jim and Dwight also had a one-two punch plan to prove that no company would offer the same level of customer service as them and clenched the sale. Stanley and Ryan were not able to close the deal, evidently Ryan insisted on leading the meeting and he choked. Michael and Andy also failed, not sure what happened since Michael is usually such a great salesman, so perhaps Andy is the one who is not as amazing as he likes to think he was. What I thought was most interesting was it really encourages coworkers to learn one another’s strengths and weaknesses, ones they man have not been aware of recently. For instance, Phyllis is normally so quiet and reserved you might not know how strategic she can be when preparing for her sales. In comparison, Ryan portrays himself as confident and bright, yet he is actually terrible when it comes to sales. While that was going on, the oddest think was happening at the office: Angela and Pam were hanging out. Ever since Dwight rolled in late this morning, Angela was in this bright and bubbly mood. So much so, she had told Pam they should go out and get coffee for the office and has just been so giddy in general. Not going to lie, just didn’t quite seem right based on what I am used to.

As with all good things, they must come to an end and in this case that end is named Andy Bernard. He somehow came across a toll receipt which proves that Dwight didn’t sleep in this morning, but was actually at New York City this morning. Turns out, he even signed in at the corporate office but there is some mystery as to why he was there. Strange coincidence, accounting had just needed to get their tax forms over the corporate office sent by express. Strange, we almost could’ve had Dwight take care of this for us. But the problem is, when Michael confronts him he refuses to explain why he had gone to the corporate office. Naturally, Michael thinks back to when Dwight tried to take his job so he doesn’t trust him at all and refuses to accept this. Ultimately, Dwight announces to the office that he has chosen to leave the office. That’s right, Dwight K. Schrute whom we assumed would die here in his chair, has instead to leave his job. Most of us were truly stunned, a few people didn’t seem to care, and Angela was surprisingly shook up about it. And Andy was far to smug about this ordeal, I think we can all agree he may have had a hand in trying to come to this result.

And like that, we saw the end of an intense era with Dwight leaving the office. His overbearing void will surely be filled soon with this sudden power gap, and I think we can assume it will be Andy trying to fill this void. I guess we will need to wait till next week to actually see how this entire ordeal turns out. Until then, I hope each and everyone of you have a great week and take the time to think about how we, as a nation, can do better. Additionally, I hope you stick around because we have some very interesting updates on some projects in the coming week. Until then, feel free to follow and comment this blog so I can get your feedback and involvement, and why not treat yourself to Office memorabilia, as we never can have enough. Until then, I’ll see you around the Breakroom!

Why not consider:

The Office Socks https://amzn.to/4cIvhRr

Your own Michael Scott https://amzn.to/4cR0HVl

Or Dwight Schrute https://amzn.to/3xIsBUw

How about Darryl Philbin? https://amzn.to/3RZlvSn