Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! And only about one week left of August, how is everyone trying to get as much summer activities in before autumn hits us? I know we are hoping to get a bonfire in our firepit this weekend, the last one while at this house because we are closing and moving into our new house in just one week on the 30th! Moving is always a bittersweet moment because while you are transitioning into a new home that is better, it is hard leaving your first house where you have so many memories. Truly the most important ones to me are the fact that we got all three of dogs while here so this was really the house that we created our family. But I feel this next house will be even better for them, but will certainly be a transition. Even though we have plenty to do, we have designated this particular weekend to partake in as much of the 2024 Teeb Con as we possibly can do! You can still get your tickets at https://mnswca.org/teeb-con-2024 and a reminder, they do have costume contests for those looking to dress up! I will not be dressing up this year, we had to focus a lot of attention on the house situation, but I am already making plans to cosplay next year so I am already excited for 2025! Besides partaking in the events, you can also catch my husband and I as moderators for a panel on Sunday. You can catch it at 11:30, A Pirate’s Tale with the incredible Martin Klebba. Wish me luck that I can keep my inner fanboy in check and remain composed during the panel because this is such an amazing opportunity. Get your tickets at the above website, and look for schedules to see all of the events, including at their Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/events/323573326883369/?active_tab=discussion. Hope to see you there!
With those updates, let us see what happened at the office this week!
Our biggest news is that Andy Bernard is officially back at the office! You’ll remember that he has been away for the last five weeks at anger management, after he snapped and punched a wall. Supposedly he has learned a whole series of tactics to keep his cool and is much better at managing his anger now. Besides a new outlook on life, he has a new name and is now going by “Drew.” Certainly seems like an easy request, but Jim decided he was “too cool for school” and simply refused to call him this. Now I am not going to make this into a comparison to someone choosing to go by a preferred name since I know Jim is only doing this to push Drew’s buttons. But I’m still calling him out, Jim you need to reign in your Jim-schtick. Drew wants to go by a new name, perhaps this is even part of his therapy, so when someone asks you to call them by a specific name, just do it. I know this year I actually have been better to correct people who attempt to call me Nate (which I do not like) and to clarify that my name is Nathan. I truly do not know how people you barely know (or especially when that is your first time talking to them) have the audacity to give you a nickname but there are people who do. Unless someone specifically tells you their nickname or they sign their email with it, simply call them by their full name until they say otherwise. It really isn’t hard; and vent over. Get over yourself Jim!
In contrast, Dwight is simply choosing to not acknowledge him at all and has chosen to shun Drew for three years after having originally gotten him to quit. Evidently it’s common in the Amish community as a means of punishment. Naturally, Jim using this instance to mess with Dwight by speaking on his behalf to try to get him to admit he knows no actual facts on bear attacks. Factoid per Dwight, bears can actually climb faster than they can run. I did try to factcheck this but couldn’t confirm this, but bears can climb with alarmingly fast speed so it very well could be true depending on the circumstances. Of course, if you are interested in more facts about bears perhaps consider this book. My personal reference books tend to lien towards dinosaurs, mythology, and cooking but the point is I do a good book on facts.
Today’s big event is safety training, going over both the warehouse as well as the office upstairs. Darryl explained that the training is required to be conducted either once a year, or after a major accident occurs which hurts someone. Spoiler alert, we have never actually made it a full year. This particular instance was prompted when a certain branch manager pushed the ladder Darryl was standing on and shouted “Hey Darryl, how’s it hanging?” The joke is funny because Darryl would then grab on to a shelf in reflex and be hanging from it. While that might work in cartoons, most people tend to fall with the ladder an end up hurting themselves and thus we have this training. Turns out the warehouse is a pretty scary place since they have tools like a forklift and baler which cannot be used by anyone who hasn’t gone through the necessary training, so this means that even if someone from the office asks (Michael) they cannot use them. In fact, Darryl mentioned how every year around ten people lose an arm in balers. Again, I attempted to factcheck this number but couldn’t find a definitive estimation of people who lose arms or even who are in accidents each year. I did read about plenty of accidents over the years so it is still true that there are quite a few people who have been injured and have lost limbs or even died due to accidents with them. Their goal is to compact durable materials, so you should absolutely know that it can injure you very easily.
From there we went upstairs where Toby conducted the office safety training where it goes, about as you would expect. Offices are notoriously less dangerous that a warehouse setting with fewer risks. Our biggest risks are the fact that we can develop carpal tunnel syndrome, develop blood clots from sitting too long, and can strain our eyes from staring at computer too long. Our biggest recommendation is to get up every hour or so to get up and stretch for ten minutes. We are also more prone to seasonal affective disorder, aka SAD, which can mimic many symptoms often associated depression. Such symptoms include being tired more often, less interested in your usual hobbies, anxiety or being grumpy, and even a decreased sex drive. This is called seasonal because it most often occurs in the autumn and winter with a primary factor being the decreased sun and Vitamin D. A few years ago my leader got our department these special lamps which help mimic the sun and can be used to counteract these symptoms so I would certainly recommend one if you are prone to SAD and get very little sunlight. In general, office workers are most at risk for leading sedentary lifestyles, not sedimentary as Michael first quoted. The warehouse referred to this as “fat butt disease” and that we all live a pretty “NERFy” lifestyle and that Michael needs to stop comparing the two. And he is true, office workers will have their own stresses that most often have to do with direct relationships with clients and customers, but in terms of general safety concerns we have far fewer. I was okay with that, Michael was not.
With this new motivation, Michael and Dwight disappeared to formulate a new training plan for their safety. We were called out later to the parking lot because Michael had something to show us, and it turns out it is to reveal that he has depression. Michael was on the roof threatening to jump because his office job has gotten to him and he is prepared to commit suicide. It is pretty obvious this was a ruse because they started to talk about facts about depression; which is a real condition and is by no means simply being “bummed out.” And according to a 2004 study, Michael claims that 32,000 people a year commit suicide. I found an article with the National Institute of Mental Health which cited a study from the Centers for Disease Control which states that in 2021 there were 48,1000 deaths related to suicide1. Unfortunately, this shows that suicide continues to worsen each year. There are many reasons which might drive someone to suicide so there is no general fix, but the biggest one is to seek help. Please know that if you are in a crisis, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988. If you do ever have suicidal thoughts, do not brush it off as a joke and reach out to speak to someone and get the help that you need. As I mentioned, many individuals struggle with depression every year and too often mental illness is still seen as taboo to speak about. It is not, so you do not have to go at it alone.
That was my version of speaking of depression, Michael’s masterplan is to create a fake suicide by jumping off the roof onto a bouncy castle situation nearby. Just to clarify, this is a bad idea and is not a great training method so do not do this. Jim and Pam also agreed and quickly did everything they could to convince Michael not to jump since he would simply kill himself, pretending to kill himself. Jim couldn’t convince him, Pam tried to bribe him with a fake gift which Dwight didn’t contribute to, but thankfully we had Darryl. Michael has this odd fascination with getting Darryl’s advice and approval, and this time it truly saved his life as he was able to convince him how bad of an idea this way. Ultimately, Michael is able to come on down and we can finally put an end to our safety training. It really should have lasted only an hour or so, but this is Dunder Mifflin and we like to give it out full attention.
And that was our office safety training! Obviously we learned how important it is to acknowledge when we might need assistance when we are feeling depressed. And we learned Jim is a bit of a jerk and should have simply called Drew by his preferred name, so please don’t be a Jim. But for my fellow office workers, what do you do to combat the dangers our work poses us? The lights I mentioned are amazing at creating a false sunlight for those winter months that we might not see the sun. I do try to get up and stretch every hour or so (usually on my way to the kitchen) since it is great to get away from the computer. I had a couple of colleagues who would take a walk on each of their breaks which is even more beneficial than some simple stretches. Feel free to share your tips with us! Comment below and lets help one another out.
Wishing you all a Happy Friday and a great weekend, and for those in the area I hope to see you this weekend at Teeb Con! And as always, I’ll see you around the Breakroom.
- (n.d.). Suicide. National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved August 22, 2024, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide ↩︎
