Good morning everyone! My reader(s) will see that I have been quiet as of late including this last Friday. This last Wednesday we had to say goodbye to our dog Loki and I have needed sometime to process everything going on. I will likely be ‘out of the office’ for another week or two because to be honest, my heart just hasn’t been in my writing. Although my husband found the strength to post something, I have had struggles finding the words to express my feelings. I want this to be a memorial to him so a part of him can live forever out in the internet. I hope you can all respect my need to take some time to myself and spend it with my family.
This last Wednesday we said goodbye to our beloved Loki. After years of health struggles, it was discovered he had an insulinoma which means his body began to produce too much insulin and he could no longer maintain the glucose his body needed. The last couple of weeks we cared for him non-stop, even waking up multiple times throughout the night to give him sugar syrup, which I can confirm he fell in love with. While we had hoped we would have several more months with him, it seems his condition had already progressed to a point it could not be properly managed. We had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye to him but made sure he had the best last couple of days on this earth. We treated him to Pup Cups from Caribou Coffee, wheeled him around in a cart that he fell in love with since he could no longer go on walks, and brought him down to the Lakewalk for one last view of Lake Superior. In spite of extreme wind, I could tell he was truly enamored by the sight. We spent the evenings watching our favorite movies, including all of the Marvel films which featured his namesake. Watching movies as a family and cuddling was how we spent most evenings so it was truly how we wanted to remember our time together. And I got to make one last special meal for him consisting of a tasty steak. He was surrounded by loved ones including his two brothers (Thor and Anubis), his aunt and uncle, and his loving fathers. To say it has been hard would be an understatement. Our vet, Dr. Licht with Dougherty Veterinary Clinics has been an amazing comfort in helping take care of him and making herself available all of these years. Having been a frequent visitor there, the entire staff got to know him very well and I know he appreciated all of their kindness and care.
We adopted him more than 10 years ago and from the start he proved to be clever, mischievous, and wanted nothing more than to feel loved. Not everyone believes in love at first sight but I have been fortunate enough to have experienced that a couple of times. My husband was the first time, and he was the second one whom I experienced that with. It was he who made us a family and it was an honor to bring him into our new home, having just closed on our house at the time only a week earlier. Later that next year we brought in Thor because we felt he needed a companion and our love for them continued to grow. Eventually taking in Anubis, whom they both had known since he was just a pup. Despite being such a small dog (being part corgi) he somehow filled a room with his presence.
Years later it was he and Thor who would be the best men at our wedding. I still remember how he tried to eat all of the refuse at the Renaissance Festival where we married, and how he snuggled in my arms that day in the car.
He was my cooking buddy, sitting in the kitchen as I cooked waiting for me to drop something on the floor. He spent holidays with us, Christmas was always his favorite and this was part of the reason we kept the tree up to even this point as a reminder of those times. Halloween was probably his least favorite because we always insisted on setting him up in costumes. His first one we found a Chewbacca costume, but he looked far more like an Ewok. He also loved adventures, having escaped from our yard a couple of times which put me into a panic as I ran into the streets to find him.
It is these things that I miss, but also the simple things. Carrying him around because he felt needy and wanted to be held like a baby, often referring him to a hairy gummy bear. Holding out my hand for him to shake and he would thrust his paw down with so much enthusiasm you would think he had invented it. When I would leave the house he would sit at the top of the stairs like he would wait right there until I returned. And when I did he always had this look of pure love, like he was meeting me for the first time. Waking up the middle of the night to check on him, after having tucked each dog into bed with an individual good night. And when I began working from home, he found his place sharing my chair and it began one of his favorite places in the house.
Every day I miss him and I am reminded of him, somehow the house feeling so empty and dark without him here and even his brothers have noticed. But we continue to process this each day, crying and grieving and keeping his memory alive. I hope all other fur parents out there treasure every moment with their babies because to say good bye to them is like saying good bye to a piece of yourself.
Thank you everyone for all of your love and support at this time.
In Memory of Loki
