Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! This has certainly been a very odd week in my opinion, has anyone else felt that way? On the one hand, we recently saw a whole new slew of tariffs put into place by President Trump1 which he stated would force other countries to stop taking advantage of our country. As we learned previously, tariffs are actually additional fees that Americans would pay in order to bring in the products to the country, and are traditionally passed along to the consumer. Because the rest of the world understands this, we saw a shocking hit to the Dow as these tariffs were announced. As some of my readers will know, I am by no means a fan of the stock market and see it as just a means for the ultra wealthy to gamble with money, exert influence, and overly inflate their presence with fake money. But there are still plenty of people whose entire life savings are tied with stocks and the last thing I would want is to see them lose their money. I hope that this tariff war ends soon, as they truly never solve anything and only make matters worse, we will be lucky if we do not go into a signification economic recession over them. If that wasn’t enough, we received one last dumping of snow Wednesday which seemed to range from 6 to 10 inches through Minnesota. Thankfully it warmed up as Thursday and is quickly melting so we will hopefully be able to see the grass again during the weekend.
In spite of all that happening, I was able to find a bit of positivity to this week. Work has actually been pretty quiet (aside from quite a few employees who do not seem to understand W-2s or taxes) so I’ve been able to stay on top of everything that I need to. The renovations on our soon-to-be game room are essentially done, which of course means the start of the next area. And I found an assorted pack of macarons at Costco, so that was a really exciting moment when I noticed those (and proceeded to buy three of them). All of that might not seem like anything super extraordinary but I think it is important to focus on those aspects which promote the overall contentment in our lives. Especially when many of us are terrified of what is going to happen each day ranging from being able to afford to food on the table to the very real possibility we can be taken hostage by ICE despite being citizens, let us try to find something that can give us the strength to carry on each day.
I recall I also mentioned I need to try to relay how I have been able to focus on my health lately. I have been slightly better about not snacking as much every day, so that is something. I also did some good shoveling yesterday as well held our Loki for a good 10 minutes at one point and my arms are still feeling it! Besides trying to be more active, I also need to be better about my sleep. I feel like it takes a bit too long lately to wind down so I am going to try to mix up my evening routine to relax.
Now, to try to bring a little bit of contentment to your day, let us look at what happened at the office today!
We have only one real topic on the agenda and that is the pending birth of Jan Levinson’s baby! As you may recall a few weeks ago, Jan had decided to be artificially inseminated and have a baby. It sounds like she has been wanting this for a long time and decided this was really the last chance to fulfil that goal in her life. And despite it not being his kid, Michael seems to have this odd obsession with the child almost like he sees it as his last chance to have a kid. If they were still together it would make more sense, but they aren’t even dating so it is getting quite odd.
He began the day off with running through a simulation, designed by Dwight, on what to do if Jan were to go into labor. As with most plans it primarily consisted of getting to the hospital right away, but Dwight did proceed to “give birth” to a watermelon so Michael can practice the actual birth part as well. While I have never been present at a birth, I do know that the babies come out wet so I feel his use of butter because “newborns are slippery” was a smart decision. But Dwight also had his own step in which Michael needed to be prepared with a sharpie to apply a design that only he would recognize and no kidnapper could replicate. I have not spoken with anyone from a hospital on this, but I am not quite sure how they would react to a parent wanting to make such a mark. I think it is safe to say that Dwight would not trust them, so this is meant to be a secret so no one is to know about the mark aside from yourself.
In addition to that, Michael tasked the office with hosting a baby shower for Jan at the office. You heard that right, the woman who is not dating Michael or carrying his baby, and no longer works for the company, is having a party throwing for her by this office. It was pretty evident looking at the work the Party Planning Committee (PPC) that they didn’t really consider it a high priority. Don’t get me wrong, it was a very nice arrangement but if it had been for someone actually in the office it would likely have been more extravagant. Now I have never throwing a baby shower for anyone, kids aren’t exactly my thing, but I have been to at least one and I have a great mind for planning events so let us break down what was at the party.
Decorations
Every good party needs decorations and that includes a baby shower. Themes vary but the most common one is to use pastel colors because they are soft and comforting like a baby is. It is also not uncommon to see the colors modified on if the gender of the baby is known, usually blue for boys and pink for girls. Sometimes they will intentionally go against the norm, any fan of Gilmore Girls will be able to tell that you “green is the new pink.” Streamers and balloons are classic and simple decorations, although Michael seems to believe they could have gone bigger. If you wanted to add another layer or design a theme you can always try to incorporate babies or baby animals as a fun theme. Or why not really stand out and do something like Lord of the Rings and some of gifts are capes for the baby’s first adventure.
Games
Games are almost always held at baby showers as some entertainment. One common one is that people wear clothes pins and the rule is if someone catches you saying words like “baby” they get to steal yours. And at the end of the event, the one with most pins is the winner. Another is playing guessing games, almost like placing bets, on trying to see when the baby will be born, their birth gender (if not known), and their height/weight. I have also heard of the one where diapers are filled with various things and people need to figure out what it is, usually by smell. Since it is a party, the games are meant to entertain people and there are often prizes associated so even guests get to walk away with something.
Food
Every party needs a bit of food! I feel this is where you can tell the PPC didn’t put in a ton of effort, although they likely didn’t have much of a budget. Their only real snack are personalized M&Ms with the possible baby names, Chevy for a boy and Astird for a girl. I could tell that was wrong but Michael assured me that’s what he was told by Jan. They also filled some new bottles with beverages like juice to drink out of; I actually thought this idea was cute. And then there was a sheet cake, and it is very hard to go wrong with a cake. So I mentioned that I have been to one baby shower before and they actually had a whole taco bar there, so that is where I feel the PPC phoned it in. Yes, what they had served was really cool, but ideally there should have been some more filling foods to go along with the candy and cake.
Gift
Finally, it is standard that when attending a baby shower to bring a gift. In this case, we collectively went in on a stroller to give to Jan for the baby. Most showers seem to have registries that guests can choose from, this is mainly to eliminate the risk of people getting the same item. But there are some really good items which you can never go wrong with. Things like bottles are always needed, onesies will always be needed, and I’ve been told diapers are also ones that you cannot have too many of, especially because the baby will go through multiple sizes. At the shower I went to, it was actually asked that people pick out a favorite children’s book and to bring that. I personally loved this idea because not only does it provide the baby and parent(s) with plenty to read, the goal was to have the guests pick out books that were important to them. This way the guest can pass along a small piece of themselves. Again, I feel it was evident that the office just wanted to go along with whatever was simplest.
Jan finally arrives and that is when she has a special surprise for us: she already had the baby. Not even calling Michael, she had gone into labor and already gave birth to her baby girl, Astrid (not Astird as Michael thought). Michael insisted that this would not ruin the party and would only enhance everything. It only seemed to make it awkward because no one would guess about the birth of the baby, Michael seemed hurt by the incident, and then Jan was very much as out insane as ever. She proceeded to sing to the entire office, napped on the couch, and tried to explain to us about her tub birth. She also didn’t really care for our present because not only did she already have a stroller, it was a very fancy Orbit Stroller. They have become very popular, besides being durable they were designed to be able to rotate to assist with the issue of deal with strollers that are single-facing.
Evidently hers cost at around $1,200 and Dwight was completely and utterly baffled by this. In his mind, because that was how much he spent on his entire bomb shelter, the stroller should be indescribable. I did do some research online and couldn’t find any definitive values associated by I saw a range of $2,000 to $250,000. The key is certainly how big your shelter would be, what sort of amenities you want in there, specific materials, and then how much work you do yourself. Dwight is a very hands on type of person, and I would imagine that he would conduct all of the work on his shelter himself, aside from help from his cousin Mose. I feel that would keep costs low, since he has a farm he probably has deals on certain construction materials and equipment, and it is entirely possible that he converted an existing room to the shelter. I always thought it would be cool to have a bomb shelter or panic room, and emergency area designated should the opportunity arise. There isn’t really a good space here for that, so I have been thinking of putting together emergency supplies in case of a situation.
So that is my question, anyone here have a panic room or emergency shelter? If not, perhaps a cache of emergency supplies? Do you have any sort of tips or recommendations for anyone thinking of doing the same?
So after the huge to-do that Michael tried to do, Jan left very unceremoniously and no one was very quick to see her out. Michael did, of course, and when he came back he had an odd look on his face. I don’t know what Jan said to him but he immediately went to the annex to speak to Holly, filled with an odd energy.
And that, my friends, was the baby shower. I have never been to a baby shower held at work previously so I don’t know how normal such an occurrence is because I feel that is normally a very private act.
Anyone have any baby shower stories that beat “she arrived with her baby already born?”
With that, I hope you all have a great week. Please stay positive and be a kind person, and as always I will be sure to see you around the Breakroom.
- Brown, B., Warren, M., & Yee, C. (n.d.). Live updates: Trump’s new tariffs lead to the biggest Dow wipeout since 2020. AP News. https://apnews.com/live/donald-trump-news-updates-4-3-2025 ↩︎
