Good morning everyone and welcome back to the Breakroom! We meet again with illness still plaguing this household as the belief is now that I have walking pneumonia. I am just getting ready to start my antibiotics and I have been warned that I am going to be in for a fun time early on so I better get this Breakdown going while I still can!
This week started off with a surprise from the city in the form of a radar gun situated right outside our office building. This is one of those readers where it measures and shows how fast a vehicle is moving so they can see they are speeding. Turns out Angela was very upset there was so much speeding happening that she placed numerous 911 calls to complain, and this was how the city chose to address the issue. I suppose it is some sort of change, and I suspect they really wanted to keep Angela from calling in. I am not an expert when it comes to the 911 switchboard, but I do not believe speeding is considered an emergency.
You would think this was the end of the story but because of the proximity to our building, people have taken to running past the sign to see how fast they can get going and see who is the quickest. At first Michael was ecstatic that he was in the lead with 12 mph, until Dwight had to one up him. Quick to establish his dominance, Michael took another sprint the same time that an actual car was driving by, resulting in him getting 31 mph. Oscar tried to explain to him this wasn’t real because there was a car but Michael wouldn’t hear it and refused to listen to Oscar’s pleading of “it is humanly impossible.” I would side with Oscar that it was the car and that 31 mph is not possible. The current world record for running speed by a human was established in 2009 by Usain Bolt, his top speed being 27.78 mph. So either Michael Scott is the fastest human alive, or it was actually measuring the speed of the car that came long.
If you can believe it, that was probably the happiest moment of the week. The day kicked off with a rough start when Andy came in and asked the entire office why no one had RSVP’d to his and Angela’s wedding yet. You will recall that last week Phyllis revealed to us all that Angela had been sleeping with Dwight for months, but Andy still has no idea. Naturally none of us assumed the wedding was going to proceed so we did not RSVP since Angela should have found the time to break things off with Andy. We keep our lips shut but get together for an impromptu meeting over it when Michael almost spills the beans. We all agree that it should be Angela who should reveal this to Andy, it is her secret and it would be the decent thing to do in finally being honest. Of course, Angela doesn’t think that the time is right or that there is really any need to do it. Of all the times Angela doesn’t want to get involved with drama it is when it actually affects her.
We were all pretty content with just leaving it as is and trusting Angela would make the right decision. Everyone, that is, except for Michael. As he was heading out to head to corporate to meet with David Wallace, he asked for Andy to escort him out. We could see through the windows that Michael was having an awkward conversation but we could tell that Michael did disclose to him that Dwight and Angela were having an affair. Certainly an awkward moment, but I know there was been dispute on whether or not Michael made the right decision here. What do you think? I do agree that it should have been up to Angela to to come clean to Andy, and she should have done it as soon as the office was made privy since it would be only a matter of time before the secret was revealed. So given that Angela wasn’t up to it, I think Michael was likely in the right to make that decisions, especially to keep Andy from spending any more money.
Naturally this is where the mood in the office begins to turn as the details begin to be revealed. Andy confronts Angela and while she dances around the question, she does finally acknowledge that she has been sleeping with Dwight and that the entire office knew about it. I feel that we have been withholding this from him only added salt to the wound, so I agree it was really unfair that we didn’t tell him ourselves. But it is Dwight who truly has his anger and they begin to argue over who should end their relationship with Angela, because they are both still willing to be with her. Andy wants to fight him and Dwight decides to declare that this is a duel, for which Andy agrees. To ensure no one can get involved, they decide to meet in the parking lot later where it will be outside of work.
I will admit that it is entertaining that they decide to duel; while they are barbaric I feel there are plenty of instances that could be resolved over a good old fashioned duel. Specifically I’m thinking that certain peoples such as those in public office should be able to be challenged to a duel. The history of dueling is extensive, even just here in the United States, but historically they were most often used to settle certain disagreements. Most commonly it was used by gentlemen and then certain prominent citizens (such as journalists or those in public office). That is not to say there are not rules, which can be found here. One of the most interesting ones is that although we normally think of duels as using pistols, the person who is challenged can actually choose what weapons are to be used as well as where it is to be located. Just a friendly warning to anyone planning on challenging someone to a duel, tradition states you do not get to choose the details1. Andy tells Dwight he intends on using his fists, to which Dwight mocks him because he will simply cut them off with a sword. This was what prompted Jim to begin searching the office and clearing out any leftover weapons (much like how Toby had to do in the past). Dwight still had a pretty nice collection including throwing stars and a pair of nunchucks, leaving them to use only their fists in what I assume Jim was hoping would be a quick brawl.
The time comes and Dwight is in the parking lot with the rest of us upstairs eagerly awaiting the fight from the conference room. But Andy seems to have chickened out because he was nowhere to be seen; at least until we realized there had been a note left behind. Dwight had seen it and began reading it to himself, and this was when Andy finally showed up. He came up behind him driving his Prius; Oscar explained that it can remain silent if kept under 5 mph (and that was why Oscar felt he should win). Andy snuck up behind Dwight and proceeded to run into him, just enough to pin up against a tree but not to actually hurt him. While the rest of us were eager to see how this would pan out, Jim decided he needed to intervene before anything got too serious but they were adamant it didn’t include him. I could tell the fight was starting to spiral out because Dwight and Andy were talking about nonsense topics about why they are the better man for Angela. Andy thought Dwight was crazy for wanting to “protect her from bears” when Andy doesn’t believe there has been any recent sightings. For the record, the most recent sighting that I found documented publicly was in June of 2022 which proves that they do exist nearby2. Andy then called Dwight “sasquatch” which he thanked him for as they are the strongest animal on the planet. Just to factcheck, the sasquatch is considered a cryptid so it is not truly part of the animal kingdom. I feel that “strongest animal on the planet” is pretty vague but I’m pretty confident in saying that it would be the African elephant as it is the largest terrestrial animal on the planet. Alternatively, it could be the blue whale which is the largest animal on the planet but I am unsure how much “strength” has been tested by the whale. But it was when Andy revealed that Angela had slept with him, that Dwight began to lose the will to fight. Dwight said Angela told him she was only sleeping with him; I suppose then it set in to both of them they had been lied to and betrayed. They proceeded to come back to their desks where Andy began calling and cancelling all of his wedding reservations while Dwight threw away the bobblehead of himself that it appears Angela had given him. In that moment, I think we all realized that it was over for them all with no winners in this duel.
Oddly enough, while we were having a disappointing time at the office Michael was crushing it at corporate. It sounds like David had invited Michael in to ascertain what he was doing so differently in Scranton because while all of the other branches are struggling, we are thriving and boasting record sales. I am not sure Michael was really able to put into words what we were doing differently but maybe it goes to show that he isn’t totally useless as a manager. He does know sales and tends to give the salesman some big leeway when it comes to clients so perhaps the space to thrive is what sets us apart. Or we treat everyday like we are going to be closed because of something Michael does so we try to show that we are irreplaceable. Time will come if Michael can truly explain what makes him so special.
And that was the Breakdown! So let me ask you, if you are challenged to a dual by someone, what is your weapon and location that will give you the edge? In all reality, more duels were challenged than actually fought because often the terms of the duel could lead to a negotiation being made. There is a famous story where Abraham Lincoln (not yet president) was challenged to a duel. In an epic move, he decreed the weapon of choice to be broadswords. When it became clear that Lincoln’s stature and strength was going to guarantee he had the advantage, he duel was quickly brought to a close, becoming Lincoln’s duel that never was3.
If nothing else, I hope I was able to pique your interest with some cool duel facts that you are now heading out to learn more. I hope you all have a great weekend, and I’ll be sure to say hello to you around the Breakroom.
- (n.d.). Code Duello: The Rules of Dueling. PBS. Retrieved May 29, 2025, from https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/duel-code-duello-rules-dueling/ ↩︎
- Tomkavage, R. (2022, June 12). Watch: Bear spotted in downtown Scranton. The Times-Tribute. Retrieved May 29, 2025, from https://www.thetimes-tribune.com/2022/06/12/watch-bear-spotted-in-downtown-scranton/ ↩︎
- Cooper, N. (2021, August 19). Lincoln’s avoided duel. Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. Retrieved May 29, 2025, from https://presidentlincoln.illinois.gov/Blog/Posts/141/Abraham-Lincoln/2021/8/Lincolns-avoided-duel/blog-post/ ↩︎
